Today was one of the best days I've had in a very long time. I had a great morning, great breakfast, my wife asked to play games with me, my kids go along - it was like the world was working in concert to make this a beautiful day. And to top it off, to put that cherry on the top of the whipped cream that was adorning my banana split of a day, I picked up a stalker.
I know there are a lot of people who wouldn't want a stalker, and if my stalker was a real hide-in-your-bushes, get-a-restraining-order stalker, I would probably not be all that delighted. But no, my stalker is an Internet stalker, and she hates me somethin' fierce. I adore Internet stalkers. To paraphrase Marv from Sin City, I love Internet stalkers. No matter what you do to them, you never feel bad.
(You may be wondering how I know my stalker is a woman. I know this because no man in his right mind would take this woman's user name. Also, someone called her 'ma'am', which sounds pretty girly to me.)
My new best target took some generalized offense to something at Board Game Geek, and decided her best course of action was to look up all my reviews and find something objectionable in each one. Sadly, she is a lazy stalker, and only found a handful. But what she lacked in quantity, she more than made up for in quality. Here's a lovely sampling (links first, then quotes):
OK, I loved her work so much, that's not a sampling, that's the whole collection. For those who don't really feel like digging through a bunch of lame jabberwocky, I've pulled some excerpts:
Dingus: "A rinky-dink website?" Have you explored it?
No, stupid. I make a regular habit of making completely unfounded claims about other people's work without ever having given it a glance.
Also, you'll notice that I put that the person's name is Dingus. This is not me mocking her. This is her actual user name. It's merely the happiest of coincidences that her user name is what I wanted to call her anyway.
Let's do it again, shall we? Why yes, I believe we shall.
Dingus Was Her Name-O: Maybe you should move on to one of the other websites. Here on BGG we like knowledgeable, thoughtful writing, not just spouted opinions that need to be corrected by responses (that get more thumbs than your posts, by the way!).
You know you're doing something right when some PMS avenger stalks you all over the place to tell you that your reviews are just opinions. Because where I come from, that's exactly what a review is - an opinion. Man, women like this are why men go gay.
Oh, sorry about pissing in your Wheaties. Were you eating that?
One more for the cheap seats.
Dingus MacDingus of Clan MacDingus: Basic respect and courtesy are crucial to discussions here, and are the norm.
I made a short list of things that are basically respectful and courteous, following the example set by Dingus (I never get tired of that name):
Speaking for the group without the consent of the group
Calling people unintelligent if you disagree with them
Insults meant to be demeaning
So, Dingus, welcome to the spotlight. Thanks for showing up, and seriously, thank you for spouting off like a retard. I know how much you like it when I call people retarded, so that one was special for you.